I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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