you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
