omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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