When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
this is an emotional support booty call
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
