There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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