Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
