i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
