am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
