At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
