I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
