It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
