Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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