The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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