Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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