I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
