Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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