Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
