Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
