Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
