Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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