I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
