Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
