"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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