Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
