when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
