She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
