The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize