Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
