I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Did you pee in the oven last night??
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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