his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I fill condoms, not promises.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
