I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
