I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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