I just threw up on my dentist
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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