you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
