Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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