The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize