I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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