just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
