You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i love accidental penises.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize