Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
