...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
