Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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