I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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