I like my sex mixed with concussions.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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