Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
