how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
