Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
