Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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