I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
