Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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