mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
