Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
