I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
