You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
