tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
