How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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