just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
