idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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