When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
