Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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