Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
