That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
