Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
