she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Can you bring me the toilet please
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Where are you guys?
Drunk
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
