Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
