Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
