The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
