my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
