This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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